From Fear to Love: How to Build a Bond with Shy Cats

Shy cats have a special place in my heart.  My favorite cats to work with at the animal shelter where I volunteer are the scared, shy kitties. Borderline feral? Challenge accepted! If you have a shy kitty, you know that it can be challenging to get them to come out of their shell and interact with you and other people!  The secret is patience and understanding.  Befriending a shy kitty is very rewarding and well worth the effort!

Tips for socialization!

I’ve read a lot on the subject of cat socialization, but the truth is that I learned the most by being around a lot of cats in animal shelter environments. These tips are based on my own experience:

1.  Give them their own space:   Cats are very territorial and need to feel safe in their area.  They like enclosed spaces. When shy cats arrive in the shelter, they just want to hide, so we give them cardboard boxes to hide in.  There are plain ones, and at the animal shelter, we bought them in large, bulk packages. You can also get something cute like this: https://www.chewy.com/tiger-tough-gingerbread-house/dp/205506 or just take an old box and cut a couple of doors into it, and tape it closed! Your cat will love it!
2. Surround them with their own scent: I used to be so stunned to find that scared cats would often still hide in their litter boxes. I learned that cats interact with the world primarily through scent. They mark their territory primarily with urine, although sometimes with poop. So- to them, their litter box is something that’s really just theirs. One way to get them to stop hiding out in a litter box is to give them a blanket or towel that they can infuse with their own pheromones just by laying on it and not washing it regularly.

1. Build Trust:  Be patient and take your time in building trust with your cat.  Start by offering them treats and spending time together in a quiet and peaceful environment.  My go-to treat is Churu. (I’m not an affiliate, I just love the stuff). With Churu, I was able to tame many unsocialized cats in the shelter.  When a cat was aggressively fearful, we’d put churu on the end of a dowel rod and let the cat get used to licking it off. Gradually we’d shorten the distance, and it worked like magic!
2. Use positive reinforcement: Reward your cat with treats, praise, and petting when they come out of hiding.  If a cat is very fearful, I let them eat Churu using the technique mentioned in step 4, and while they are distracted by the Churu, I pet them. I like to just sneak a pet in with the same finger that is holding the Churu at first, and gradually start using my other hand as they get braver.   The cat will begin to associate the pets with the reward, and they usually begin to realize how much they enjoy the pets and scratches!
3. Introduce Play:  Enrichment with toys is a great way to bond with your cat.  It helps them get some exercise, and they associate enjoyment with spending time with you! Some cats will love to chase the laser toys and others like the flirt poles. Whatever your cat prefers, playtime is bonding time!
4. Follow a routine: Feed, play, groom, and spend time with your cat at the same time every day because cats love a routine!  This will help them feel less anxious and get used to living in your home.
5. Adopt a kitty friend:  Many kitties who are afraid of people can be quite comfortable with other kitties.  If you are planning to adopt a shy kitty, and if he or she has a little kitty friend in the shelter, adopt two!  The confident kitty will teach the shy kitty that you are safe. 
6. Introduce humans slowly:  Shy kitties can feel overwhelmed when meeting new people.  Start slowly, and gradually let new people visit just for short bursts of time. 

As you can tell, socializing a shy cat is a process that takes time and patience.  Take it slow- let your kitty decide the speed. 

Why are some cats afraid of people?

1.  Socialization window: Kittens have a window of time between approximately 2 and 7 weeks of age.  During this time, they are receptive to new experiences, so if you spend a lot of time holding a kitten during this time, it will develop positive associations with people.  Introducing kittens at this age to different environments, pets, and people will help a cat to feel comfortable in our human world.  After 7 weeks, this window starts to close and it can become difficult to socialize your kitty.  It is possible, but it will take more time. 
2. Genetics:  Many cats are genetically predisposed to being shy.  This is perfectly normal.  It’s just a survival skill.  Instinctually, some cats will want to escape from unfamiliar situations.
3. Past experiences:  Many cats that find their way into our shelters have come to us from unknown pasts.  We just don’t know what they experienced, or whether someone was cruel to them.  Just be patient and help them learn to build trust. 

Conclusion:

In the shelter, we get a lot of shy kitties.  Part of the job as a volunteer or shelter worker is to help these cats learn that people are safe!  Every now and then, we get a kitty that is close to a year old or older who was not socialized.  People often overlook these kitties for adoption because they don’t come out easily to meet new people.  If you spend a bit of extra time with these cats, you’ll start to see their true personalities.  I love befriending cats, especially shy ones! 

A Video

This video is one I made of a shy kitty at the animal shelter. When he arrived, he was very afraid and cringed at every touch. He spent his time hiding. I wish I had video footage of those earlier days, but there will be more opportunities with future kitties. In the meantime, you can see the results of using patience and rewards to build trust.

If you’d like to learn more about how to provide for your cat’s needs, read my post: Building a connection with your furbaby